I’m unwell, and I want to try and write about the experience because our beliefs, how we interpret these illnesses, is important and I think we need to trust these processes. I know that if I struggle, the force that is opposing me will get stronger. It does get stronger. And finally, there is a stage where I can no longer struggle. It is futile, I must submit. Because these illnesses are bigger than us, they are bigger than our egos. And we need to trust their intelligence.

Yesterday I had a panic attack. I haven’t had many of these in my life – at least, not as bad as this one. Jeff was with me and he looked after me. He has seen this happen before so he kept his head and this helped me to stay in control – but it was still overwhelming. I don’t normally dye my hair, but had just bought some hair dye. I read the instructions which had a page of warnings about adverse effects – these included dizziness and poisoning. The manufacturer suggested t